When we're young, we're passionate about many things. In my twenties and early thirties, I was passionate about sustainability and protecting the environment, so much so that I helped found an NGO to raise awareness about the importance of those topics.

 

Later in my thirties my interest shifted to personal development and the need to first change ourselves if we want to change the world. There was even an episode there of misguided passion, when I thought that if as many people as possible would believe the same as I do, the world would become a better place. When this didn't pan out (obviously!), I went through a period of disillusionment and almost depression, and my passion melted like snow in the Sahara.

 

I needed to dig deep to find it again, but this time it came from an authentic place, and although it's now much more subdued and moderate, it's also more persistent. It's there, like a constant warm glow that keeps me going, no matter what.

 

 

Why you feel like you've lost your passion

 

If you have a passion, or more of them, and you're pursuing them, good for you! Just keep doing it. Passion gives color and taste to life. It makes us eager to get up in the morning, fills us with enthusiasm and energy, and makes our lives much more enjoyable.

 

But what if you don't feel passion any more? What if things have become dull and empty? What if every day is the same, and there's nothing to look forward to?

 

It can be that you're simply too busy and are breaking down under the burden of obligations. If you have zero time for yourself to even as little as relax and unwind, no wonder your passion has left you. But there can be other, less obvious reasons as well. So let's take a look at them.

 

Here are the main reasons why you might feel like you've lost your passion:

 

• Too busy – you've got so much on your plate that you've got no time for the things you enjoy.

 

• Lack of self-esteem – you feel like you don't have anything to offer, or that you aren't exceptionally good at anything, or that you can't make a difference anyway.

 

• Suppression of your authentic self – you are living someone else's life, according to other people's expectations. You forgot and suppressed that which is important to you and what gives you joy.

 

• Suppression of negative emotions – if you feel melancholic and mildly depressed, without motivation to do anything, it might be because you are suppressing a whole range of "negative", or "unacceptable" emotions (both pain and sadness, as well as anger and frustration). Since we can't selectively suppress just the negative emotions, while keeping the positive, we suppress the flow of all emotions through us – including passion.

 

• Disappointment, disillusionment – you were very passionate about something in the past, but you've got burned, and now you don't want to feel the same kind of disappointment again.

 

• False motivation – you've been trying to prove yourself to others and perhaps prove them wrong (e.g. "I'll show them, I'll have a lot of money and prove everyone how successful and smart I am", or "I'll prove that I am not a loser like they think I am"). It kept you going for a while, you had some success, but eventually you’ve got tired and exhausted, and now you feel empty and directionless.

 

 

How to reawaken your passion

 

For each of the above listed causes, here's how you can reawaken your passion:  

 

• If you're too busy and want to avoid burnout and remain healthy – both physically and emotionally – you need to make time for yourself and things that uplift you and re-charge you. Self-care is a priority, so find something that inspires you and makes you happy. Your passion will return once you do more of what you enjoy doing! If you feel guilty to set aside time for yourself, because this would mean you're depriving your loved ones, work on that guilt. But also keep in mind that if you push yourself to burnout, your loved ones won’t benefit from that either, because you won't be able to take care of them the way you want to.

 

• If you suffer from low self-esteem, know that your passion is within you, waiting to be (re)discovered. If you had parents who feared for your safety and didn't let you play freely and explore (my mother e.g. didn't want to buy me a bike because she was afraid I'd be hit by a car), you simply may be missing some experiences and still don't know what it is that you really love and enjoy. Or, if you've been criticized a lot as a child, your interests and passions might have been put down and your enthusiasm ridiculed. Perhaps you were told what is the "right" kind of passion vs. just some "silly thing" you shouldn't be wasting your time on. If we were controlled and put down a lot as children, this will have suppressed our genuine interests and passions as well. We need to be kind to ourselves and give ourselves time to explore, to play, to listen to the calling of our heart. It's like with a flower – when we give it love, care and proper nourishment, it will bloom again. 

 

• If you're suppressing your authentic self and living according to other people's expectations, you most likely aren't passionate about it. Perhaps you're afraid to hurt the people you love, perhaps you are afraid of criticism and condemnation, perhaps you're afraid of failure. The problem is that if you continue on that path, you will only have regrets and no joy in your life. You don't need to sacrifice your happiness for others. You are worthy of happiness and of living a fulfilled life. Only then will you be able to give your best. So find the courage in yourself to say NO to an empty, lukewarm life, and say YES to your authentic self, your dreams, your passion, your own happiness.

 

• If you feel melancholic, almost depressed, and nothing sparks joy in you, chances are that you are suppressing your emotions. You have a lot of unexpressed emotions, either pain and sadness, or anger and frustration, or both. You might be a people pleaser who is afraid to say No to other people's requests. You're trying to help everyone and be there for everyone, and at the same time you feel no one really cares about you. If that's true for you, you need to work on your ability to set boundaries, say No and respect yourself more. You also need to release – in a proper, therapeutic environment – the unexpressed emotions. This will lift the emotional burden from your heart, and you'll be able to get in touch with your true needs, desires and passion again.

 

• If you'd been passionate about something before, but have been disappointed and disillusioned by how the whole thing ended, try to see it as a learning experience, not a defeat. Your passion might have been misguided, but still, chances are that some aspects of it came from your true self. For example, I was passionate about spreading the truth (as in, one and only, "absolute" truth), which turned out to be misguided. However, I later discovered that my true passion was helping people discover their inner truth, their authentic selves. So my passion had something to do with truth after all, just in a different form. If you've been disillusioned, don't give up on yourself, don't sentence yourself to a life without passion and purpose. Work on yourself, heal whatever needs healing, and ignite that spark again!

 

• If you've been trying to prove yourself to others, you've been operating from a state of rebellion and spite. Your actions didn't come from your authentic self, but were a reaction to other people having hurt you. In order to get in touch with your authentic self, you need to – within a safe therapeutic setting – release the anger, and feel the pain and sadness underneath. This is how you'll get in touch with your vulnerable parts, as well as your true self and your true needs and desires. Things that you want, independent of the others. Your motivation will come from your authentic self, rather than as a reaction to an outside pressure.

 

 

Misguided passion

 

There was a time in my life when I wanted to change the world. In particular, I was passionate about spreading what I thought was the "absolute truth" – specific spiritual teachings which, if enough people would follow, would turn the world into heaven on earth. I was very enthusiastic about it and would get into debates with others, trying to convince them that "my" way is the only true way and that they are wrong. Of course, it lead nowhere. It was a complete waste of time and energy.

 

When our passion is about changing other people and convincing them that our way is the only right way – that's a misguided passion. It can be in any area of life, be it spirituality, religion, politics, health, diet, fitness... For example, if you believe raw food is the only healthy diet, which can cure every disease, and you're not just a big fan and promoter, but you also criticize and ridicule people who think differently – that would be a misguided passion.

 

This kind of passion comes from an emotional wound, where instead of working on ourselves and seeking to heal that wound, we're busy trying to change others. This shifts our focus from ourselves to others, so that we wouldn't have to deal with our own painful emotions.

 

This is also the main principle of fanaticism and extremism – trying to change others (sometimes even forcefully) so that we wouldn't have to deal with our own pain and weaknesses.

 

If you feel you're spending too much time on social media, trying to convince others of something that is important to you (I myself wasn't immune to that during the coronavirus crisis), notice that it may be a misguided passion. Try to find out what motivates you and what would happen if you would stop "crusading" for your goal. What is it that you are afraid would happen if others wouldn't change their mind? It's usually a deeper fear, e.g. "if others keep denying the seriousness of the virus, it might spread faster, and I or my loved ones might get sick and die". So the deeper fear is our own death, or the loss of a loved one.

 

For the virus deniers, similar is true: "if I admit that this virus is dangerous, I admit that stricter measures are necessary, which means I agree with the authorities limiting my freedom. And I will never agree to that, because that would mean my own destruction". That's why some people oppose even wearing masks, because in their mind, that's equal to complete domination and loss of personal freedom.

 

When we get to the bottom of our motivation and see the underlying fear and terror, we can then work on healing those wounds, instead of battling the "outside enemy" and exhausting ourselves in the process. Bottom line: only true passion, coming from our authentic self, can make a positive difference in the world. Anything coming from our wounded self doesn't stand a chance.